Mar 02 2010
Thoughts on Self Reliance
To be a self reliant adult means you trust your own judgment to control your life, and you are free to think for yourself. A child who is self reliant is more independent in his feelings and actions, and will grow through time into a secure adult.
As parents, building self reliance in our children is not easy. If you don’t give your child enough independence and freedom he will come to depend on you for everything; be afraid to make decisions for himself, and may question his own ability. On the opposite end if you let go too soon then the child is in danger of feeling insecure.
Self reliance should be targeted while the child is young, by allowing and encouraging him to do the things he can do. When your child is a little older, start teaching him about responsibility and help build a self-reliant lifestyle. Teach him how to deal with money (especially on how to save), do household tasks and more. So that when the time comes that he is on his own, he will be confident in managing the things he needs to do. Young adults today rely too much on others and not on their own abilities.
Hold your child accountable for the task you give him, whether it is a household chore, school work or watching over his sister. Children often rise to the occasion when they realize that if they don’t complete a task it will not get done.
It is also important to give your child the opportunity to makes decisions and choices. That will allow him to make decisions later on in life: when playing, deciding what to wear, eat or what sport to play. Never force your child to be involved in something that doesn’t interest him just because it is your dream. Be especially aware of that, as it is hard for us as parents to separate our ambitions from our children’s future ambitions.
On a continuing basis, encourage your child to set goals for himself and to try and achieve them. This can be simple goals like choosing the classes he wants to participate in, and devoting efforts in getting good grades, and later on a career. This may include trying something new, and it might involve trial and error, so remember it’s a process with long term aims.
Your approval should not be conditioned upon success and praise should be given for efforts, not necessarily success.
We all want our children to become happy successful adults and one way we can help them along the way is to teach them to be self-reliant. Remember the saying:”it’s not if you win or loose, it’s how you played the game!”.
Shimon
Trevor Bishop